What I Miss After Having Children
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on
April 11th, 2007
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Long before we had children we talked about how how we wanted to raise them and traps we sought to avoid. So far things have been going well and we've been able to integrate the children in our lives without changing much of our lifestyle.
We waited long before having kids, which I think was a good idea, and there are very few things I miss or find difficult to fit into the daily chaos. I subjectively think my kids are great but there are a couple of items which kind of drive me crazy unless I make room for them.
Last week I was "punished" for a couple of days. Turns out my BIL didn't want me coming by their place for a play date with the kids. A long time ago I said some stupid things about BIL and his family. It was all true but I'm known to be a judgmental asshole so perhaps my opinions should be taken with a grain of salt.
Talking about honesty, I can see that making a real comeback soon. I always speak the truth which is many times a liability. People don' like to hear the truth, they like to hear how great and amazing they are. Perhaps I'm a bit ahead of my time here but I can see it being a huge asset soon since i find many getting sick of all the bullshit going around. Whether is right or not to be honest I don't know, but I sleep very well at night and have a clear conscience.
So I was "punished". Or as I like to think of it, I got a HUGE reward which enabled me to recharge my batteries. The first thing I miss is a little time alone. It doesn't have to be a day or a week, it can be an hour here and there during a week.
Doing nerdy stuff on the computer relaxes me so that's usually what I end up doing. Perhaps in combination with having a few drinks, at home or at some Wifi enabled place. My kids are great but they are still very young and it's intense work taking care of them. We don't have, or want, a nanny who does that for us.
I do spend time alone during the week but it's with a different kind of relaxation. Working out. Around 5 times a week, more in the summer, I go to the gym, play tennis, mountain bike, or run. This is done during work hours, before the kids wake up during the week or weekends, so it does not take any time away from family life. And at least once a week I do this with the kids. Workouts are great for blowing off steam but they still require concentration so even though they are relaxing, it's on a different level.
My punishment, or reward as I see it, was to spend a couple of days with the laptop at Starbucks and the sushi place across the street. First a good workout in the morning, then off to have some nice sushi lunch, some beers, and then moving across the street to Starbucks for some desert. And all this with relatively quick Wifi in both places. Ahhhhh, I love having one of these days every now and then. It refreshes me and gives me more energy to be with the kids. Seeing tehe kids at night after a day like this is just great. My BIL's kids are nice but I can certainly do without spending 2+ hours in traffic to get 20 miles during my vacation.
The second thing I miss is eating in peace and quiet. You see, I have a very special job which requires lots of staring at computer screens. I've had breakfast and lunch in front of those screen every day during the past 12 years. You read that right. My breakfast and lunch is going down to our restaurant and grabbing whatever I want. Then eating it in front of the screens. Usually it's more like inhaling the food while reading something at the same time or speaking on the phone. Occasionally, I do sit down and eat with my wife and family at work or go out a few times a year for "real" lunch. It's not something I mind, my job has many other benefits, but every now and then it would be nice to sit down and relax at home.
This is tough with an 8-month old and a 3-year old toddler. My older son eats well but since we're big buddies he wants me to come and play right after he's done. Dinner also comes in the middle of my daughters breast feeding ritual. So it's stressful eating at work and the same at home. I realize this will get better as the kids grow older but it would be great to every now and then to relax some more.
A possible third thing would be to listen to some music at home while having some nice wine. We used to do this a lot pre-kids. We've got a nice system but it's tough to turn up the volume with the kids in the house.
Maybe I'm lucky just missing these "bullshit" activities. They are not serious and I can do without them but it's great for my mind and well being to occasionally be alone, have a relaxed meal, and crank up some music. I don't miss many of the things other parents do. Restaurants, travel, work, hobbies, drinking, partying, friends, working out, and having enough time. We've been able to integrate all these things nicely with the children. So far.
What do you miss after having children? Anything? Something big or small you like to do every week to remain sane? Or did you just give up after having children?:-)
Coming up, hanging out with the children in the worlds largest city. Challenges, possibilities, and the need of being father and serious bodyguard at the same time.
1- Quiet time to myself.
2- Sitting on the couch in the evening instead of chasing homework assignments.
3- Working around the house on the weekend, instead of entertaining kidfriends or driving kids around.
4- Going to the movies I want to see.
5- Vacationing wherever we want, on a moments notice.
Funny part is, when they go away, I miss them. Go figure.
4- Going to the movies I want to see.
1 - listening to a couple hours of NPR news every morning
2 - watching TV shows when they’re on, not when I can find the time to see what I taped
3 - taking a trip that I want to take, not one that revolves around the kids’ needs or wants
4 - patience
5 - eating out at restaurants that aren’t beloved by the kids