Trust And High Pressure Hospital Situations
By
on
March 27th, 2008
Print This Post
Email This Post
I have built a great bond with my kids and I find that very useful in everyday situations. But all that trust and confidence we have in each other becomes invaluable in situations where cooperation between parent and child is a necessity. When it's not optional and things have to get done no matter what. Like a hospital visit involving big machines and a demand of laying absolutely still. (See sidebar video)
Last week we once again had to visit the hospital for a routine follow up after Annika's UTI reached the kidney's (it's called Pyelonephritis) in December. Both me and the kids love to visit the hospital. Must sound weird, I know. We feel very comfortable with each other and usually end up having a great time. Plus, it's a great way of getting feedback on parenting skills. Am I doing a good job with the kids. Do they do what I say when really needed, do they trust me in high pressure situations?
First follow up included inserting a hose tube into Annika's bladder through her lower regions, pumping it full with a radioactive isotope, and then waiting for her to pee and empty the bladder (Procedure is called Voiding Cystourethrogram). It's a high pressure situation many parents don't want to go though.r All had to be done with my hyper active 17-month old laying still. The staff, who was super nice as always, pulled up a TV and inserted a movie. "This works on all kids", I was told. I politely asked them to put the TV aways since Annika had so far not watched a single minute in her life. She had been too restless.
Staff looked strangely at me as I pulled out a zip lock bag full of band aids. Clearly this father was out of the loop. Turns out Annika loved playing with this stuff, taking the band aids in and out and trying to close the little zipper. She laid still for 15 minutes without any problems and staff was very happy. Had I not been so close to her I would never had known about her current favorite plaything.
Our current follow up said Annika had to lay still for 15 minutes while staff continuously did an MRI of her body (simplified). This time the zip lock bag worked fine together with some nice Superman band aids plus surprisingly a few minutes of TV and a nice nurse. Making a hyper active toddler lay still is a real challenge but Annika trusts me and somehow feels the seriousness of the situation.
Fathers find different things that inspire relations with their children. I love to see good parenting and I always try to learn as much as possible but I benefit more from studying terrible parenting. When you can see how parents have gone terribly wrong and can't or don't want to deal with it.
Sometimes is necessary for a parent to have a trusting child or things get very difficult. Things like eating and showering are simple things which are flexible. Cut a child's hair or nails, or giving medicine demands far more trust. And taking nasty shots or facing difficult tests in the hospital is even more demanding.
One situation that made an impact on me years before I even thought of children was a father unable to comfort or soothe his child. The father had to bring the child to mommy because there was not enough trust between father and child. I saw this many times and it made a huge impact on me. I swore it would never happen to me. I would do whatever necessary to be fully trusted.
A couple we know, Esther and Mikael, have a 4-year old. One day she fell down while playing in the park with my son. It was a tiny fall but she started crying. The father was unable to soothe her and had to quickly run home. There was no trust there and he was used to the mother doing everything. Naturally, he's not the one taking the kids to any doctor or facing any high pressure situation with his daughter. It wouldn't work since he hasn't earned her trust.
I know most fathers don't think this way, but perhaps it's worth a thought. Trust and respect is usually not given aways, it has to be earned. My favorite way of earning trust with the kids has been telling the truth. I've never lied to them. This was tough early on but now the payback is there. Trust works both ways and I do trust my kids very much. I started by letting the kids see I trusted them with simple everyday tasks/items. From there I moved on to to more important things. Seems to work very well but, I'm sure everyone have their own individual style.
Leave a Reply