AdventureDad

Being married to a Mexican is an adventure  I mean that in the nicest possible way.   To keep our relationship healthy and not kill each other we have created some rules.  One of those is the "Green Monster" rule.  To sum it up, there is absolutely no speaking allowed when we are hungry.  No discussions and no complaints.  Just complete quiet until we have inhaled enough food to act like normal human beings.

The Green Monster was originally invented by me.  Then it was taken over by Sandra and made into an even scarier beast.  It started many years ago with my insanely fast metabolism.  When I was young my metabolism was ultra fast.  Now it’s just fast.  Back in those early days I would occasionally miss a meal or mealtime would be stretched by a couple of hours.  That would be  enough to bring out the large Green Monster. 

The Green Monster is very powerful.  It’s power can’t be underestimated.  The normally strong sex-drive   is easily defeated by the Green Monster.  Halley Berry and Angelina Jolie could be standing naked in front of me begging for a threesome and the Green Monster would tell them to fuck off because I need FOOD.  First I would get hungry, then even more hungry and finally the hunger would slowly disappear and be taken over by me wanting to kill the whole fucking world ANGER and IRRITATION.  But not on a small scale.  Think large monster proportions.  This stage is not pretty.  I would be angry at anyone and anything.  Everything would suck and positive thought or comments would immediately be interpreted as negative insulting bullshit. 

Sandra rarely, if ever, had problems with the Green Monster in our early years.  But she has now taken it over and made it scarier than ever.  When she starts being quiet, irritated, and spews out nothing but negative bitching her family and I know what’s happening.  We all look at each other and say "Monstre Verde!!" (Green Monster in Spanish).  Then we quietly start looking for food that will be available immediately.  Cookies work very well and so does bread.  There is no time to start preparing a large delicious meal that will be ready in an hour.  No, no, no.  It has to be ready NOW! My Green Monster tendencies have not disappeared but are far inferior to Sandra’s.  To compare them, mine would be a cute little puppy monster and hers would be a fire spitting dragon of enormous size.   How often does the monster come out?  At least several times a week. 

We now know the signs so the Green Monster rule usually goes into effect automatically.  We both know when we are extremely hungry and irritated so we don’t speak to each other until we have inhaled some food.  It works out extremely well but must look very strange to people around us.   Since we now have our angel Daniel with us most of the time the Green Monster effects have decreased somewhat.  We might want to scream at each other and then rip the other persons head off but when Daniel is around there is no screaming or shouting.  Ever.  And that will not change.  

Categories: Family, Sandra
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