AdventureDad

My nick name  around the house these days is The Child Whisperer.  The way I talk and interact with Daniel apparently reminds Sandra of the movie The Horse Whisperer.  I don’t believe screaming or physical violence is a good way of communicating with my son.  Never have and never will.  Daniel is now 22 months old and our relationship is phenomenal.  The reason why he favors Daddy so much for the last few months may have nothing to do with the way I’m trying to raise him though.  That’s is because of his Pappitis.  But Sandra has mentioned this Horse Whisperer approach before and I guess that resembles the way I think.  Raising a toddler is very much about psychology and earning trust. 

I certainly don’t lack a sometimes horrible temper and I do go absolutely nuts get mad frequently.  But kids don’t annoy me as stupid adults do and I just can’t get very upset about a poor little child.  Thank God for that.  I don’t necessarily have high thoughts about my capabilities in any area but I do know my strengths and weaknesses very well.  And contrary to most others I have no problems admitting or talking about what I suck at.  But it turns out I’m very good with children.   There is more than one reason for this.  I’m firm but never scream, I’m very patient, I’m kind of fucking boring, I believe very strongly in honesty and trust, and I look angry even when I’m happy. Kids are scared of me.  Adults are scared as well but it’s more obvious with children. Perhaps it’s a combination of being scared and part respect.  I’m not really sure.    They get that distant look in their eyes like they’ve been hypnotized as soon as I look at them. Just think of me as the the Ogre Shrek.   So what do I do with Daniel? I try to speak to him and really explain why we do certain things.  I can tell him we need to stop watching his favorite DVD and go to bed because it’s late and he needs to sleep.  He will nod and obey.  While playing with his favorite toy I can explain  that we need to change diapers (not always popular) and he will walk into the bathroom.  When he’s  sick I explain  to him that he will feel better after he takes the medication and I often volunteer to take a scoop myself to show him it’s no big deal.  He gladly accepts and even asks for a second scoop.  If he occasionally gets upset I take him aside and he calms down in ten seconds.  When he does things he’s not allowed to do it’s enough to look at him and clear my throat slightly and he will step away.  Like playing with the broom next to some expensive item around the house. 

Since Daniel has been favoring Daddy for a few months I’m the constant bad cop around the house.  That suits me fine. Sandra is still doing a fantastic job with Daniel but he is just infatuated with  Daddy at the moment.  I’m sure it’s just one of those temporary kid stages.  Most unpopular tasks flow easier when I take care of them. He tends to say "no" to most suggestions by Sandra and "yes" to me.  It’s frustrating for Sandra but we know it’s just a stage.  I think the most important issue with children, or at least our son, is trust.  Trust takes long to earn but can be lost quickly.  Daniel responds incredibly well when told "I promise".  I can’t overstate the meaning of this.  If I promise him we’ll do something later he will believe me and go along with anything I say.  He can be playing outside with his favorite play pal when I tell him we need to go in and eat.  Usually far from a popular suggestion.  But if I tell him "let’s go and eat, I’ll promise you can go outside again when we are done and play with your friend" he obeys immediately since he know I never break my word.  When he’s dying to go for a ride on the bus I can explain we don’t have time today but I promise we’ll do it tomorrow.  He accepts that immediately.  It’s kind of amazing he understands this so well.  But it works extremely well.  It’s like talking to an adult. I’m sure you see the danger in this situation.  It can be easy to make promises just to get things done.  It’s inevitable I will break my word at some point because of some unforeseen circumstance but so far it has not happened. 

My way of apparently "scaring" children works with most children.  Even the most difficult kids.  Like Sandra’s sister Patricia’s child, Ximena.  During her month long visit it was always the same.  She screamed and refused to eat.  And in the most horrible and annoying way.  I would pick her up, take her to the other part of the room and chat with her for 30 seconds.  She’s now totally quiet and after that she sits down and eats like normal (which she usually never does).  I could take her and Daniel out and play for a couple of hours in the neighborhood and she wouldn’t even complain once.  Just smiling and looking at me like she’s at  the playground with the large Ogre.  And she doesn’t understand a work of Swedish so it can hardly be my language skills.

Every parent have their personal style of raising their children and that’s exactly the way it should be.  This is absolutely not some kind of suggestion over how anyone should raise their child.  Do whatever you feel is right.  The only thing I really dislike is screaming and physical violence with children.  When I see some stupid parent squeezing their kids arm until it gets blue or screaming  in their kids face that they will never ever see their favorite toy again, then I feel the urge to step in and slap the parent around.  Of course I don’t but who can seriously believe that’s a good way of raising a small child?  Sadly quite a few. 

Categories: Daniel, Family
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