AdventureDad

Traveling is a nice way to get  perspective on parenting.  I especially like to see how other men are approaching the fatherhood role.  Which  often makes me feel like SuperDad.  This sounds like  bragging but it's not. I'm not doing anything special as a father except using some common sense and staying very involved.  But in most other fathers view I'm doing superhuman things which only a mother should do.  Fatherhood has come a long way in some places.  But unfortunately time seems to have stood still 100 years in most others.

Can anyone define a good father? Probably not.  What's right for one family does not work for another. But there one thing a good father can't live without,  involvement.   Talent, desire, or love of children pales in comparison to involvement. One can't be a great father without being very involved.  Which immediately excludes 99% of all fathers.  I also think a great father should be able to do most things a good mother is capable of.  I think a great father should be able to switch places with the mother at any moment, have control of his kids and their activities, and be able to make the household run smoothly for weeks without any problems.  Which sadly excludes almost every father in that last remaining percentage.  Is that really too much to ask for?  It's not really rocket science we're talking about.

Last year I spent a couple of weeks in Germany playing professional tennis and of course I broght Foxy Wife and the children along.   Towards the end of our stay I was being called "Father Of The Year" by the Germans.  Yet, I did nothing special except use common sense with my kids  and do stuff like any mother would consider nothing out of the ordinary.   Hardly father of the year material which explains my puzzled look when receiving praise from others.  Very flattering but not true.

To get a perspective on parenting it's not enough to go o a friends house, travel to another state, or across the country.  Sure, parenting will vary but still remain largely the same since it's within the same culture.  International travel will definitely put things into perspective though.

A father doing simple things like changing diapers, cooking food, cleaning the house, knowing about kids morning/evening routines, keeping track of day care/kindergarten/school schedules, being able to do a little laundry, and wake up with the kids during those nasty pre-dawn hours  will cause a sensation in most countries.  A father putting the kids to sleep, making lunch boxes, or doing food shopping for kids is usually met with amazed stares and open mouths.  As you can see, it's not difficult to qualify as a SuperDad.  But fact remains, despite the easy entry requirements, few fathers ever come close to being called a SuperDad.

For those men who don't find their own kids good enough reason to become a great father there are other appealing things. Attracting women. I can think of no better way than being a good father.  Taking the kids for an outing, cooking dinner, giving the wife some time off, and putting the little ones to sleep and you'll be the envy of every woman above 25.  Especially Latin's.  As I was younger I foolishly thought it was cars that mattered.

Attracting women doesn't seem to be on top of the list for men, or rather being a SuperDad is not a high priority.  Most dads  bury themselves in work and see the kids  on the weekends and perhaps a little while in the evenings. But the kids are still of course the number one priority.  Right.  The Swedes would be one exception, fatherhood and household involvement is off the charts high and I suspect it has much to do with the gender equal society and of course all the family benefits. Still, we have the power to make whatever choices we like.  But the kids  seem to end up somewhere in the middle of the list for fathers.

When will there be more Superdad's around?  I see some progress being made but the overall situation is depressing.  Most fathers clearly don't have the desire or attitude necessary to be close to their kids.  No father will change after being told to do it, the change has to come from within.  Having role models works very well in sports, I still remember how much I looked up to Bjorn Borg as I was young.  Maybe more attention on the (few) famous people who are SuperDad's would help?

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Categories: Family
Tags: fatherhood, great father, Parenting, perspective, superdad, swedes