Save Your Marriage - Get A Babysitter
By
on
August 14th, 2007
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Children are great but spending time with them is intense. Especially now when I'm taking six months of paternity leave. One of the biggest mistakes I see other couples making after having kids is forgetting about their own personal needs. There is often no integration of children in the family, the kids take over completely which often leads to relationship problem later on. Our first year with two kids has been tough at times, especially with our Prima Donna, but it's now time to reestablish our pre-Annika routine of having a babysitter once a week. Time for Mommy and Daddy to have some fun!
Before we had kids we talked a lot about this important subject. Just how do we have kids and still have fun? How do we keep our hobbies and friends? How do combine work and family without going crazy? How do we successfully integrate the children without killing our relationship?
A friend of ours once gave us a great piece of advice. When we were ready for kids, and had passed the first hectic months or first year, get a babysitter. Not just one anniversaries or birthdays, once a week. A regular time and day which makes it a habit, not an option. Leave home for a few hours, forget about the kids, and head out for some fun. We started doing this when Daniel was 12 months old and it has been great for our relationship.
Our first night out we went to a nice restaurant a few minutes from home, just in case there would be problems. We nervously phoned our babysitter right after bed time to get a status report. Daniel asleep, stay out as long as you want. From that day we have had lots of nice evenings out together. Just the two of us.
By now you know I spend more time with my kids than most fathers. I don't feel guilty about leaving my kids a few evening hours once a week. What activities do we have in mind now when our babysitter is back? Enjoying some nice restaurants, concerts, hanging out with friends, mountain bike rides, and perhaps a concert here and there.
My recommendation to new or old parents would be to schedule some time away from the kids on a regular basis. When your baby routines are working well and your child is ready, schedule some time for yourself. Have a babysitter come by once a week, spend some time with your spouse (or alone), and relax without the children.
I promise you will feel refreshed and appreciate your spouse and children much more after making babysitter night a habit.
I couldn’t agree more. We have a regular babysitter at least once a month. It’s well worth the expense.
That is excellent, excellent advice. My folks with be in town next week, and we will be taking full advantage of their being here. I think we have a morning on Lake Tahoe on a jetski booked. WooHoo!! Now if I can keep myself from a backseat driver… :)
Great advice! Ever since we had Little Guy 2 years ago, we said we would do this but we have never got around to it. Now we are expecting our second one any day and it looks like it will be even longer until we get our “date nights.” But I still know it’s important and I actually can’t wait until we can do something like this. It may be time away from the kids, but it definitely benefits the whole family (kids included) when mommy and daddy have a good relationship.
I hope you guys have lots of fun on your bike ride!
Dear Adventure Dad,
It is precisely this problem that my husband and I are facing, now that we have two kids. The elder one is seven but she is a high need child and the small mite is one and a half.I read your post “are you available for sex” and told my husband about it, he said “are you…” that very night but we got to actually do it a week later!Anyhow, being in India and living with my inlaws makes things worse for you are not supposed to show your affection publicly. We need some time to ourselves on a regular basis. Thanks for reminding me of this need.
I say don’t wait for the kids. If you have a hectic work schedule like my husband’s, date night once a week is great! If I didn’t have date night with him, I see him for 2 minutes before we go to bed. And now that his parents are visiting us for 2 months… I can’t wait for date night to come soon enough ;)