Poop trauma
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January 23rd, 2006
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Sandra has had a trauma for many years. Actually she has more than one but that’s another story. What’s the trauma? She can’t stand poop! Any kind of poop. Dog poop, child poop, elk poop, or deer poop. It doesn’t matter. All poop is evil to her. Having a child and not being able to handle poop is obviously impossible so she has gotten used to the smell of dirty diapers and handle it pretty well. As long as it’s in the diapers.
She’s unable to actually TOUCH poop. She can’t touch it and if she gets close she will barf from the smell. For many years I thought she was joking but she can’t go near dog poop without barfing. Especially fresh poop. This lead to some rather funny incidents while visiting Mexico and taking their dog for a run. They used to have a large Golden Retriever named Brandon which could create some massive poop. We always brought a couple of plastic bags with us so we could be responsible dog owners and pick up the mess. Only problem was that Sandra could not dream of picking it up. She would need to touch the poop with a ten foot pole in order to clean it up. I don’t like poop any more than you do but at least I can do what needs to be done. I put my hand in the bag, grabbed the smelly warm fresh poop, turned the bag inside out, tied it up, and threw it in the trash. Just the sight of me touching the warm poop with my hand, but of course through the plastic bag, was enough for Sandra. She turned around and started coughing.
Fast forward quite a few years. It’s Christmas Eve morning and we are in the bathroom. Daniel is running around without diapers which is not uncommon. Occasionally he likes some fresh air in his lower region. He has done some pee-pee on the floor a couple of times but that’s no big deal. Suddenly he gets that strange and somewhat painful look in his face. Like he’s trying to divide 45789411 by 789125235 to the fifth decimal and giving birth to an elephant at the same time. We are totally unprepared and within three seconds he produces two LARGE sausage looking poop’s. Not small hot dog style poop. More like large German bratwurst style poop. Right on the bathroom floor. It looked so hilarious I started laughing and Sandra, who is now taking a shower and missed the whole thing, get a first look at the poop. Her eyes open wide and she thanks God she’s in the shower. Daniel looks surprised. Did that stuff just come from my body? He points repeatedly at the sausages and says "pee-pee, pee-pee". I’m used to changing diapers but not scooping up large poop off the floor. How do I do that? Sandra is sensing the awkward situation and doesn’t say a word. I can’t believe she’s this lucky! I grab a few wet disposable towels and quickly clean up the poop and toss it out. Sandra thanks me repeatedly for being at home. Otherwise the poop probably would have been on the floor the whole day until I got home. I tell her that next time I might not be here and Daniel could have a loose poop. She gives me a faint smile and a facial expression that resembles Daniel’s during his poop.
Enough with poop for today. Aren’t kids great!?
This was hilarious! Lucky Sandra! (poor you)
Great pic of the elephant poop, BTW.
NO way my kid will ever get to run around taking chances on pooping on the floor, thankyouverymuch. You’re braver/more_foolish than I could ever hope to be in that dept.
Mar 24th, 2006 at 10:49 am
[…] We are at the stage in Daniel's life when it's time to start thinking a bit more about poop. You would think that's impossible with a two year old that poops three times a day, but it's not. The diaper stage has been going very well except that my lovely wife can't stand the smell and wants to barf each time she changes her son's diapers. That's right, a mother that can't stand poop. Don't worry, I make fun of it on a regular basis. Sandra has had a very bad cold the past few weeks and her sensitivity to poop has increased exponentially. It probably has something to do with her pregnancy as well but she's more sensitive than ever. And now it's time for the potty stage. […]
Apr 7th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
[…] Me and Sandra haven't done much more than encourage Daniel, given him plenty of time, and not put any pressure on him. We did get good advice from some people and I want to say thanks to Clint at Dadventure, Freezio at Turnintostone, Misfithausfrau, and Christie. The potty stage is far from over but it looks like we're moving in the right direction. Sandra is even getting better at emptying out the potty which is amazing since she suffers from poop trauma. Have you ever hear of a mother with kids suffeering from poop trauma? […]
Dec 5th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
[…] Last night when I walked into the bathroom I laughed my ass off. I immediately told wife to come and have a look at my funny son. There he was, sitting on the potty doing his thing. But he had also found a pack of female Maxi Pads, or what he proudly calls "band aids", and proceeded to glue them to his chest. Not just one, the whole package. And he had this big smile on his face, like he was really proud of what he had done. It was so adorable I wasn't even close to getting angry. That more or less sums up our potty training period, fun and relaxed. The whole "project" has taken roughly 8 months and it has been a breeze. If I discount the fact that my wife can't stand the smell of poop. I'm quite sure we could have done the potty training in 8 weeks instead of months but we wanted to take it easy. We simply felt no hurry to finish the training quickly since it was so effortless. […]