Parenthood And Accountability
By
on
July 18th, 2007
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I'm seeing a change in attitude of parents and their children. It seems like parents are not responsible for the kids any longer. And unfortunately I think they actually believe it themselves. When things go wrong it's never the parents fault, instead there are numerous other excuses and people who can be blamed. I found the latest stupid excuse yesterday when a couple blamed their addiction to internet for their starving kids. Not themselves or money, but the internet.
A couple who authorities say were so obsessed with the Internet and video games that they left their babies starving and suffering other health problems have pleaded guilty to child neglect.
The children of Michael and Iana Straw, a boy age 22 months and a girl age 11 months, were severely malnourished and near death last month when doctors saw them after social workers took them to a hospital, authorities said.
I believe accountability is an extremely important part of being a good parent. To take full responsibility for what happens to a child might be frightening and painful at times but I can't imagine approaching fatherhood any other way. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I see fewer and fewer parents today who feel responsible for their children.
When things go wrong, regardless of severity, it's always some other persons fault. Day care, kindergarten, school, grand parents, friends, neighbors, society, government, or a stranger on the street.
Television and McDonald's are blamed for fat kids, video games for violence, day care for sloppy table manners, school and teachers for bad test results, society for making your son dress like Satan, and government for crappy jobs.
I know the kids are not always with us but a parent makes the decisions. If things aren't going well there are always other choices and possibilities.
What happened to standing up for our children and how we raise them? What happened to admitting mistakes and accepting consequences with some dignity instead of blaming everyone else?
I subjectively think I'm doing a good job as a father but admit to making lots of mistakes. I just hope they remain small and fairly insignificant as time goes on. Raising kids without mistakes is impossible, realizing this and working hard at improving would seem like a better long term solution instead of ducking for cover and blaming someone/something else.
Accountability is something I have discussed before and feel very comfortable with. As my children grow older I'm working very hard at being a great father but I know that might not always be enough. I will accept blame if my kids turn into drug dealers, serial killers, or just plain bad persons. But I will also accept praise in case they turn out to be outstanding people who I can be proud of.
They are my kids and I raise them the way I think is best. I raise them exactly like I would have liked to have been brought up by my own parents. When shit hits the fan, blame me. But also give me some praise when things go right.
It seems so simple to me but it's apparently a concept todays parents are struggling with.
AD,
Great post. I see the same thing here in the states…
Too many parents do not take accountability for parenting. It is always someone else’s problem. They can’t bear to even think they might have played a role in the problem. I have theories about this phenomenon. It revolves around education and a basic desire for someone else to take care of us and to make the difficult decisions for us. Someday I want to get over to Sweden and sit down and discuss it with you over a few drinks. I think you may disagree, but that is why I’d like to discuss it… disagreements are opportunities to learn from one another. I think the loss of personal responsibility comes from abuse of three root social institutions… Public Education, The Litigation Industry - Lawsuits (which are massive in the US), and Socialism.
The core thinking goes like this…
I’m not responsible for my education - the government is…
I’m not responsible for taking risks and making decisions - If I make a bad mistake I’ll sue someone.
I’m not responsible to take care of myself or my family - I don’t have to because the government will do it for me even if I spend all day wiped out on dope, watching porn, or surfing the internet.
I understand that Sweden has an interesting brand of socialism…
I’ve learned a bit about it from Johan Norberg. I do like some of it, because the intentions are quite different from the intentions of the socialists here in the US and in other countries. I understand the idea behind Swedish socialism is to promote individuality and personal freedom. Here in the US the intention is the exact opposite. It is to attach strings that restrict freedom and create conformity and sameness.
You’re absolutely right. Avoiding responsibility has been growing. I hate to be “ageist” (not sure if I spelled that right), but I think older parents (meaning parents in their 30s or older as opposed to parents in their 20s) tend to be more responsible. I know there are many exceptions, but in general I think we’re able to accept more responsibility as we mature.
I agree. Parenting is hard work, and it’s easy to look for someone else to blame when we feel we’re not doing as well as we had hoped.
I think part of the problem is the fragmentation of the family at large. I don’t live near my parents, or my brother and sister. Actually, I live in Spain, and they live in the US.
When I’m home for a visit, of course, it can drive me crazy when my parents and siblings (who all have kids) give me parenting tips and point out the things I’m not being responsible about. On the other hand, it helps because I don’t know anyone in Spain who I trust enough and who is gutsy enough to tell me what they think about my parenting.
At times we need someone else to tell us what to be responsible for and how to mature. Becoming a parent is an enormous life transition, and we’re bound to need a little help figuring out what new responsibilities we have and how we need to mature into being someone’s dad or mom.
I think accountability is good. A wise friend of mine likes to say, “We can’t see our own butts.”
I worked in university admissions. I get many parents yelling at me for not admitting their “smart” children into the university, and it is my fault for ruining their careers and life dreams.
Gosh! If you the parent had paid attention to their homework and report card, you wouldn’t
1) think your kid is that smart
2) let your kid build up unrealistic expectations
3) be yelling at me
Parents who don’t take responsibility are such a pain to work with.
Jul 22nd, 2007 at 10:31 pm
[…] Dad blogs about how too many parents fail to take responsibility for their poor parenting and the effects it has on thei…. They point the finger of blame. AD is right, we all must take responsibility for our own actions. […]
Nov 20th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
[…] them play around with friends. That's it. A good start might also be believing in accountability. It's a parental responsibility to make sure your child eats well and moves around. […]
Jan 31st, 2008 at 2:53 pm
[…] school, friends, society, restaurants, or grandparents who make the kids fat. It's called accountability and it's something I miss in todays parenting Print This Post Email This […]