AdventureDad

We're having a tremendous baby boom in Sweden.  And especially in our capital, Stockholm.  Never in history have so many children been born.  Wherever you go the sidewalks, parks, playgrounds, coffee places and restaurants are filled with excited babies and proud parents. It's a marvelous site.  I have to chuckle at my state of mind since I ten years ago would have branded a place with lots of kids as "hell":-)  The reason why you see so many parents  walking around  with their infants is the focus we have on family and kids over here.  It's priority number one. Since the world is becoming smaller, we travel and   move to other countries  or continents, I thought it would be interesting for others to get a quick look at some parts of a family friendly country. Perhaps some areas of our  successful system could be implemented in other places or the information might be useful if you're considering a job in this country and have family.

A crucial part of giving both parents and infants a good start in life is the possibility  to take paid parental leave for long periods of time. Being able to combine parenthood with work or studies is very important to us. We are very proud that parents, especially mothers, doesn't have to chose between children and a career.  They can have both. Sometimes people here forget what a tremendous privilege it is to spend plenty of time at home with your infant while you're still getting paid, don't have to fear getting fired, and most often have the blessing of your employer.  That our society is unusual and extremely family friendly becomes  clear while visiting other countries.  I can't help thinking that most countries would reap great rewards for helping  out parents more.  Since the world is becoming smaller, we travel and  don't hesitate to move to another country or continent, I thought it would be interesting for others to get a quick look at some important parts of a family friendly country. Perhaps some areas of our very successful system could be implemented in other places or the information might be useful if you're considering a job in this country and have family.  Although I paint a rosy picture and there are many fantastic things about our system it's by no means perfect.  There are people who receive bad treatment, sometimes the system fails and we don't perform as well as we should.  But if you have a family with children you love, Sweden is Nirvana.

As an involved father I'm especially proud to see so many fathers taking  parental leave.  That has not always been the case.  The trend for fathers to use more parental leave  started 10-15 years ago and is now very strong. I don't know a single father who hasn't taken at least a couple of months off from work and cared for their child(en).  Fathers still use parental leave far less than women and that is partly due to natural reasons but also the fact that some fathers are less than comfortable with staying home for long times because of job or personal issues.  Long parental leave with little financial drawback is the norm with every child, although there are personal exceptions, and the country's great financial strength, and vibrant economy with outstanding growth should be proof that family and work can be combined successfully.  I'm  very surprised that more countries aren't offering better parental benefits. Especially for fathers.  Perhaps not as much as Sweden but at least something that gives families a good start with their child.  Why is this?  Any leader of a company should understand that it would lead to happier and more productive employees, reduced sick leave, and much better long term stability both in the family and work place.  How come companies are so hesitant in offering parental leave when the upside seems to be obvious, both financially and morally?

Let's get the obvious and boring stuff out of the way first. Every country needs  lots of new babies born each year.  Why?  Otherwise the country will basically go bankrupt.  Older people's retirement is financed partly by young people paying into the system (social security and taxes).  Fewer kids means less money and the government instead needs to get this money from other sources. If you look at some countries it's obvious how important retirement funding is.  Europe, like Italy and Germany,  will be facing HUGE problems in the next 30 years because the birth rate is so low. You notice the difference immediately since there are very few people walking around with strollers. Italy is known for large families but that has changed.  Dramatically.  Germany is facing a very old population, no growth rate, and overall financial problems with their social system and few young people to pay into the system. And few kids born.   Analysts claim that  countries in Europe are slowly dying and I don't disagree.  Some countries are really suffering.  The U.S. economy is also a disaster which seems to be largely ignored.  The country will go bankrupt in 10-20 years unless taxes are raised dramatically or something substantial is done to save the country's social security system and Medicaid.  This is no secret but it seems like politicians are ignoring the problem which  makes it much more difficult to solve at some later stage. The baby boom population is huge so a low birth rate is not the only problem.   What does a country's finances have to do with children?  And how can better family benefits possibly help this problem?  Doesn't it work the other way, better benefits costs the country more money?  A summary of all this is that people in many counties with poor family benefits are more often choosing to have less children or no children at all which in the long run is a disaster.  Many families simply can't afford kids because of the added expenses and the fact that one person often needs to stop working.  That's a very simplified analysis of a complicated situation.  This applies to the civilized world and does not include the many third world countries who face an entirely different struggle.

Good family and child benefits means a more balanced and stable society. Sweden have the most generous family and child benefits in the world and it shows.  The greatest benefit is the law of parental leave which gives every family the right to stay home and spend time with their baby.  In addition to the parental leave there are also  a few other benefits regarding children which I have listed below:

So far I've mentioned a good start for the family, combining career and kids, and opportunities for fathers to be with their kids as positive side effects of parental leave.  There are two more that I find important.  Healthier children and an equal society for men and women. Sweden is  the country that has reached the furthest in the quest for an equal society. We're not quite there yet but we've come a long way. This is very clear when you look at families and children.  You see a good percentage of men who stay home with their kids and give the woman the opportunity to work.  The usual setup is for the woman to stay home the first 6-9 months and then the men take over as breastfeeding becomes less important.  As a group, men stay  home shorter time with the average being 2-6 months per child. This means that a woman doesn't have to chose between career and kids which is a must in many countries.  It gives the woman a chance to bond with the baby in a relaxed way before heading back to work.  No need to rush the child into day care after a few months.   The CEO of my company, and one of the more powerful women in Europe, had a child last year and stayed home for only three months.  Then she left the parental duties over to her husband who stayed home another 12 months.  Although this is not the usual way of doing things it shows that the system is flexible and works even in rare situations.  Although I'm a man I have found few to be more pro-woman than myself. I just believe it's ridiculous that men should run the show since most do it so poorly. Men have ruled for too long and I'm 100% convinced that societies will be better off with women in charge.  This change is taking place as we speak but it's unfortunately progressing very slowly in most countries.  I can't wait for the day we get a female president in the U.S.  That would make the country a much better place.

I would not like to force my child into day care after just a few months.  That means no more breastfeeding, leaving your child with strangers, and most likely a less healthy child down the road. Both physically and mentally. It's important for any child to get used to day care or simply being in public to get used to the germs but I think 3 months is way too early for that. I personally also find it very important to bond with my child at an early age and believe this will lead to to a happier, more secure kid. When my children grow up I want to be able to discuss anything with them and have their full confidence.  This is no easy task and I think it's difficult if you leave your child at day care from the very beginning and don't spend much time together.  That could of course be my imagination but on our travels around the world I've seen plenty of evidence that this is the case. Many parents have simply never spent time with their children and this is obvious after only a few minutes together.  This is unfortunately very common among fathers.  No diaper changing, bathing, long walks, meals together, and painful nursing with sick kids also means that a parent doesn't get to know their child.  If a parent doesn't know their child at an early age, what will happen during the difficult teenage years?  

Having children is a great joy but many families buckle under the pressure of juggling both family and work.  Although it may seem counterproductive to offer parents some paid time off from work I think it makes perfect sense from a business standpoint.  If my wife has a child and I have to go back to work in a couple of days there is no way I will be focused and work is the least place I want to be.  The likelihood that my child and my wife suffer health or stress related problems simply because I can't help out also increases dramatically.  I will probably be forced to stay home more often when my child gets sick and what happens in a few months time when both parents work?   Those are some very difficult choices to make for a family with small children.  The amount of parental leave, usually for the women, varies greatly depending on the country but something like three months is very common.  It must be a terrible feeling for a mother, and a family, to have to dump their child into day care at that age and head back to work.  Does anyone believe that the parents are focused on work at this time and perform  100% while their infant is with strangers?  I believe it would definitely be in the employers best interest to offer some additional time, perhaps with some condition that you stay in the company for a certain time after this.  No employer could possibly want their people back at work the day after a delivery.  That makes no sense from either a business or moral standpoint.  

How come more countries don't aim for a more family and child friendly society?  Easy, it's a question of priorities and what kind of society people want.  I don't know about most of you but my priorities did change a lot when I had children.   Me and the wife still travel, go out to restaurants, work out, have our hobbies, and most importantly, have lots of fun.  But our main focus is still on the children.  A great time for the kids means we're happy and  having fun.  Now, imagine the kids being the center of attention for society and you might understand what a huge difference that makes every single day.  I keep comparing with U.S. since I love the country and spent half my life there.  Can you imagine if U.S. had the same focus on family and kids as on military and weapons? Or if they cut down on military expenses by just a few percent? Or if South America focused on kids like  religion?  I think society would be a much better place. And I have no doubts that U.S. will change in this direction at some point.   What most countries forget is that problems not taken care of at an early stage will be many times more expensive to fix later on.  A child not properly taken care of early on  might be scared for life and cause a cost to society that is many times more than a healthy child.  I realize that this is very difficult to measure but it makes perfect sense to me.  Perhaps Sweden's attitude towards family is just an economic calculation?  Maybe people figured that taking care of people early on with nice benefits means much decreased costs later in life.  That might be the case but it wouldn't matter.  It still works out brilliantly for everyone involved.  I guess you can see our philosophy.  It may  look like we are giving away too much money to families when reality is we are  investing some money right now to make families happy and  lessen the costs later on in life.

What's the downside with this kind of society?  We do pay more taxes, but not much more than other countries in Europe who have a fraction of our benefits. We also pay more taxes on consumer items, mainly liquor, tobacco, and gas.  Which I think is great.  They can double the prices any day and I'll be fine with that.    During my years in NYC  I paid around 5-7% less of income tax.  For that money I got virtually nothing, except living in a fun city.  No free day care, free health care, no parental leave, and absolutely no focus on family and kids. I've been around the world and seen a lot.  People here don't realize it but we get so much more for our tax money than other nations. 

Bottom line is that building a nice society with honest and ethical people  and high standards for everyone is difficult.  But it can be done.  I really wish more people could experience the nice feeling of a family friendly place to live. You would surely have different priorities and demands on your politicians when you got back.  I think many would reevaluate their life, work and family situation.  After all, the greatest thing is that you don't have to choose between career, nice job,  and children.  You can successfully combine them all..

I hope this gave you a quick peak into family life over here.  Have a nice week!

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