Mexican Separation Anxiety
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April 6th, 2007
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Our Cancun stomach bug was over in 24 hours and we've been having fun in the sun during the past couple of weeks. Annika's ear is doing fine but not completely healed yet. Since we arrived here another milestone development has occurred, our daughter now has separation anxiety. She's like a perfect high tech alarm. If I or Sandra move away more than 10 feet she starts crying thinking we are leaving her for good. The thought did occur to us after our challenging 24 our trip over here but we've decided to keep her a while longer until we make up our minds.
Most children experience separation anxiety during one or several stages. Will my child ever stop clinging to me like a wet rag? That's a thought that goes through many parents minds. Annika is now 8 months old and babies in this stage are learning something called object permanence. This is basically understanding that things and people exist even when they are out of sight. It sounds simple bu it's no easy task for a little baby. Another sign of this stage is the "dropping game". Your baby is sitting at the table dropping items over and over again expecting you to pick them up. Sounds familiar? It's a valuable learning experience for any baby but sometimes it feels like I'm picking up toys at least a million times a day.
Babies realize that there's only one of you, and when he or she can't see you, that means you've gone away. However, at this point, your child doesn't yet understand the concept of time and doesn't know if or when you'll come back. So whether you're in the kitchen, in the next bedroom, or at the office, it's all the same to your toddler. You've disappeared. Your child will do whatever he or she can to prevent this from happening.
And thats why we hear those heart breaking screams. After learning what they go through I'm more understanding of the crying but it's still a little annoying at times. If a bathroom break is tough, can you then imagine how difficult it is to get a sex break?
When our son Daniel was 7 months old we spent three months in Mexico. Sandra traveled with Daniel four weeks ahead of me and got to experience the same separation anxiety stage we're going though now. It was actually a little worse.
For the first two weeks, Daniel did not want to leave Sandra's arms. It was not only the boobies which were appealing, he was very insecure because of the new environment and refused to let go. Just a few months earlier he had a big smile on his face when any stranger carried him. But before we knew it, he had passed his separation anxiety stage and was all smiles again.
If I remember correctly we had another short separation anxiety stage with my son and then he was "free". Is there anything a parent can do to help a baby through these stages? Babycenter has some good advice,
Option I
Minimize separations as much as possible and take your baby along if he seems to feel anxious. With this option, you're basically waiting for your baby to outgrow this stage.Option II
If you have to leave your baby — for example, to return to work — try leaving him with people who are familiar, like his father, grandmother, or aunt. Your baby may still protest, but he might adjust more easily to your absence when surrounded by well-known faces.Option III
If you need to leave your child with someone he doesn't know, give him a chance to get to know his caregiver while you're still around.
We're using the first option and know that Annika will grow out of this stage fairly quickly. Her crying is partly also because she's about to crawl/walk and is obviously a bit irritated over constantly falling over.
We found the third option very effective while using a babysitter. When Daniel was just over a year old we had a babysitter one night a week so we could relax and have some fun. To get Daniel used to her we first spend a day together and that worked like a charm. Once a week we left our place at 6 pm and our babysitter would feed him dinner, take a bath, and then put him to sleep. We will for sure use this simple strategy with Annika as well when the time comes.
Now, if you will excuse me. I'm apparently 10.1 feet away from my daughter and the world is rapidly falling apart.
Darn separation anxiety. Erik – used to be a really cool baby at the daycare – used to ignore us when we went to pick him up at the daycare. But now a day – he’s like a little leech – which is nice and sweet but not when mommy and daddy are running late for work again. But we know this stage will pass – we are waiting.
When I have kids, I’m going to plough through your blog for all the baby tips I can get! How do you know all these things? Did you go to a class, read books?
That’s why I like reading your blog… You don’t just say my baby is going through the wet-rag stage, you actually explain why she is going through it. Wealth of knowledge! Keep ‘em coming!
Yup. Dominic is going through the same thing here. At least Annika is giving you ten feet. Henric and I are lucky to get three before the shrill pterodactyl-like shrieking ensues. Thank god this is just a phase.