Is Your Infant Or Toddler Seeing A Psychologist?
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October 26th, 2006
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I must be a hopelessly old-fashioned and out of touch parent because my 2.5 year-old son does not go to a psychologist. Neither does my 3 month old daughter. Perhaps now is the time for signing her up and tackle potential future problems?
Jean M. Thomas, a Washington, D.C., psychiatrist, recently saw a patient who was struggling with her emotions. She was agitated and couldn't stop crying. She was recovering from an eating problem and had trouble forming relationships.
She was 11 months old.
I must ask you experienced parents, does your child(ren) have a psychologist that you visit on a regular basis? The reason for asking this strange question is that infant or toddler psychology is apparently a fast growing segment of the market. Elizabeth Bernstein has written an article on the subject in respected Wall Street Journal called "Sending baby to the shrink: Infant psychotherapy gains favor among parents". She discusses the growing trend of seeking psychological help before any problems emerge and how parents are exposing their children to psychologist's at an unprecedented early age. The thought of my children seeing a psychologist has never occurred to me. I can imagine such a time in the future if my children develop some kind of disorder and need special assistance. But isn't it a little early to get an edge on life by seeking help before any symptoms surface?
The article is interesting to me because it raises some interesting points. Mostly about how confident todays parents are and the need to be closely involved in my children's everyday life. I personally totally disagree with sending children to a psychologist without any obvious problems. To me, one of my most important duties as a parent is to know my children closely so I can encourage them whenever needed but also be able to spot potential problems early. There are so many possibilities and choices for a parent today, maybe too many. There seem to be many parents today who spoil their children by not letting them make mistakes and keep them sheltered from "real life". That hardly seems to be a good concept in todays competitive world.
While many of these therapies were initially designed to help kids with early signs of emotional problems, more and more they're being utilized by parents of healthy babies seeking assistance with common parent-infant issues, such as toilet training and separation anxiety.
It can be tough to become a parent and sometimes help is needed. The best approach to me has always been to keep myself educated about what other parents are doing by talking to friends but also reading many articles and forums on the Internet. Before I had children I knew nothing about potty training, separation anxiety, how to make a baby sleep on their own, and nutritional facts about newborns. But by being involved you learn quickly. Regardless of how much problem I had in these areas I would not consider turning to a psychologist. Aren't these issues some of the requirements for being a good parents? To stay informed and solve issues that are often very individual to your child? Support for families with children is superb here in Sweden and we have a special health care unit called BVC (Barnavårdscentralen) who regularly checks up on your child and give you advice on common problems or concerns. You stay with the same midwife the whole time, sometimes also for your second or third child, and she can comfort and send you to other units in case special care is needed. I can't tell you how many questions we've asked her. Most were minor and just a way for us to feel good about our children's health but there has also been instances when we've been referred to some specialist for further investigation. Seeing someone at BVC is much like chatting with a doctor but in a less formal setting. If you have the opportunity I can highly recommend this solution to get regular feedback on your child, especially at a young age. What I like most about this approach is the strong emphasis on individuality and that all children grow at their own pace. Their range for normal behavior is wide and since most children are naturally healthy, serious concerns are rare. It's a very comforting experience.
In Washington, Dr. Thomas sees babies who have physical or psychological problems as well as babies with parents whose expectations are out of sync with the child's abilities. "What if the parent expects the child to sit at six months and the child is not sitting?" she says. "The parent might worry that the child is delayed or retarded. They might pressure the child and then the child gets frustrated."
"If parents can reflect on where the struggles are, they will do a better job of parenting,"
Unfortunately I see this quite often. It goes back to being an informed parent. To know what's normal and what's not. It's instinctive for most. Without looking at other children and seeing what other families are doing, I find it difficult to do a good job as a father. All children are different so it's not about competing. It's about observing others and perhaps use things that work well on your own child. Most often customized individually of course. There seems to be a need today of more hand-holding for parents. The intense focus on our children is usually good but spirals out of control when parents need an answer for everything. Children are very complex individuals who all develop at a very different rate. Often we just need to let kids be kids and let them develop at their own pace. A good example of this is our use of three languages in the household. It's not that common to raise your children tri-lingual but we're doing it with good results so far. (Some of our experiences can be found here, here, and here.) But it means our son speaks less at 2.5 years than many of his friends. He speaks two, almost three, languages and is rapidly catching up to his pals who are just using one language. We were of course aware of this before we had children and have not freaked out while comparing our child's verbal abilities with others. But a badly informed parent might have gone to the psychologist:-))
Instead of going to the psychologist a better approach might be to stay informed better and when potential problems surface, to seek additional help. Most of these behavioral situations slowly emerge and there is rarely a need for immediate action unlike a medical emergency. Todays razor sharp focus by many on their children is great but it's important to also let the children develop on their own and build good confidence which is a vital asset in society today.
Feedback? Do you plan on seeing a psychologist during the infant or toddles years, perhaps even before you notice any problems?
I have witnessed this parental syndrome before: I has been diagnosed as: Parental Fear of Failure:
Causes are known as: Not educating yourself as a parent, spending not enought time at home, having a full time nanny.
Results are: Incapacity to understand and reckognize the needs of a child, development and make a reasonable judgment on how your kids are doing.
Results: Incapacity to make any decision about raising children…thus the requirement of a battery of experts on the topic.
I applaude the parents who have reckognized themselves and went to a shrink for their kids… they might as well imbedd this in their budget as the kid will be there until he is 45 not understanding why his parents were not there and trying to understand what their parents were referring to as ‘quality time’ when he was a child.
OK I am going overboard but this makes me sick. My daughter and son see a shrink everyday. They are called daddy and mommy and ther are there to answer their questions about life and the universe.
My rant does not involve parents who are educated and see an issue and bring their kids to a psychologist.
Sorry to vent AD… I have a family relative who fits this profile. His son is sick and the pregnant wife can’t take care of his child. He decided to ship the child to his mother for 5 days rather than taking care of him.
I agree with DavidR with the “Parental Fear of Failure” syndrome. Parents that need to show they their child is “perfect” and fear how any little (even just perceived) problem reflects… wait for it… on THEM.
It is all about the PARENTS and not really about the kids at all. Like I said, they worry about how something may reflect on THEM, they worry about how they are going to solve problems with THEIR schedule, or how long THEY will have to spend with things like potty training. THEM, THEM, THEM.
To be honest, I think it is the parents that need the psychologists
I think you’ve way oversimplified this. So does the article that calls this a “growing trend.” Other information I’ve seen about it says that it’s rare. Some things to consider:
1) Some children with a family history of mental illness are at higher risk for developing similar problems. Early intervention can make a huge difference.
2) The support system you describe in Sweden does not exist in the United States. The article mentions that sometimes it IS the parent(s) who need help, rather than the child. With so little support and intervention, this may be the only avenue for help. Wherever, however and whenever they get help, more power to them.
3) Take what you read in the mass media with a grain of salt. Beware of phrases like “growing trends” and implications that his happens to “everyone.” There’s always more to the story.
You wrote, “Instead of going to the psychologist a better approach might be to stay informed better and when potential problems surface, to seek additional help.”
I believe that’s all these parents are doing. So calm down, hon.
Also, remember that in the U.S., the parental support you describe so glowingly is not always present–in fact, usually isn’t. Parents work alone, sometimes hundreds of miles from family, in a country where the government regards parenting as a kind of hobby, like bird-watching. If these folks seek out help, it’s usually because they NEED it, for pete’s sake.
At the ages of zero to three, mental health professionals are working far more with the parents than the children. Parents need support and are far more likely to abuse their children if they are stressed out. Also, how exactly do you expect parents to “inform” themselves when they themselves may not know or realize how to become informed? Despite educational levels, many parents operate on the principle of how they were raised, and this isn’t always the healthiest for their families, but given that this way is what they know, they may not even realize how uniformed they may be or that there may be a different way which may benefit their family. Mental health providers not only provide therapy, but also are a source for referrals for parenting classes and books.
I would much rather have families check with a professional if they are in doubt than try to muddle thru on their own. Sometimes a problem is an inkling but if we ignore it and don’t ask questions, it can become more pronounced later. Early intervention is extremely important. And if a family is seeking help for issues that do not really exist? Wel l then it falls on the mental health professional and their code of ethics to say “You know what? Everything is okay and we don’t need to treat your child at this time. Feel free to check back with me later, and in the meantime let me suggest….”