AdventureDad

"Where did you put it?"

"It’s right there on the table"

"The baby?"

"Ahhh,   I thought you meant the remote control"

I confess.  We are bad parents.  In the beginning we occasionally referred to our baby as "it".

"Where is Daniel?"

"What do you mean? You’re just coming out of his bedroom.  Isn’t he there?

"There’s something wrong with this fucking scale"

"Let me check, …..seems  accurate to me"

"Shut up. I just gained 45 pounds  being pregnant, gave birth to a 9 pound baby and three days later I have gained 50 pounds????? WTF!!??"

"Wake up, wake up, where is Daniel?"

"What?  What!? Isn’t he in his room"?

"Ehhh, Ohh yeah, sorry, go back to bed"?

"Fucking weirdo" 

Having a nightmare at 3 AM and didn’t see Daniel  between us.  No wonder, he sleeps in his crib…..  AD was not popular in the morning.

"I hope we can get pregnant with number two soon"

"Yeah I have a strong feeling it will be twins this time.  So it will be number two, and three"

"Stay away.  Don’t ever come close to me again"

Our first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. But it was twins.

"This new gym is great.  We can leave the baby with their child services for two hours without charge"

"Ask quietly how much they want to keep him the whole week"

"Daniel, I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you say "pappa"

"Mamma!!"

Being a bit frustrated over his inability to utter the daddy word

"OH MY GOD, my breasts are HUGE!

Sandra after cutting down on the breastfeeding.  Normally this would be a very exciting phrase

"Did you have a good time last night with the guys"

"Yeah I took it easy.  A couple of glasses of wine and 10 beers."

I can drink a lot

"I don’t know if we can have children"

"Why?"

"I can’t stand the smell of poop.  I barf straight away"

Sandra sure got used to that smell  quickly

"We’re fucking never going to be in this situation again!!!"

Went to NYC for vacation when Daniel was three months old.  Trip  was great but we ran out of diapers so I had to use my t-shirt as a diaper to stop the flood of pee and poop.   We have never been in that situation again.

"Excuse me, could you please heat up this bowl of baby food?"

"No sorry I can’t.  I’m too busy.

Eating Thai food at a restaurant in Soho.  Restaurant was half empty.  It’s the first time ever someone has refused to heat up food for us.  Fucking stupid people

"Hi Baby, how are you, what’s going on?"

"I’m fine thanks, wait, don’t tell me you missed the fucking plane!!!?"

Sandra calling from  Newark airport to Sweden after missing her flight. Got stuck with bags, carriage, and screaming baby.  Everything worked out fine after she cried and showed airline some boobs.

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