Fatherhood Involvement Matters
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March 10th, 2008
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A father figure does make a difference in a child's life according to new research out of Uppsala University in Sweden (text in Swedish). This is hardly surprising, at least to me, but the study notes several areas where it primarily matters. An involved father can count on less chance of children smoking, less psychological issues, children reaching further in education, and less likelihood of police trouble.
One of the largest disappointments in my life as parent has been the involved I've encountered among other fathers. To get good results it's not enough to just show up and hang out. Many don't even bother to do that. One must approach fatherhood with intense focus or results and rewards simply won't be there. This is apparently not clear enough to most fathers (and parents in general).
The survey mentions that an increase in kids well being is not only clear at a young age, it continues through adult life as well. Even in a gender equal society like Sweden, parental resources are mainly aimed at mothers. Sure, many fathers take some paternity leave, I've taken 12 months with my kids, but the focus is still (rightly) more on mothers. Mothers still do more of child related work but a goal of the survey has been to point out that everyone benefits from more resources being directed towards fathers. At least over here where fathers are rarely weekend fathers and often stay involved.
Interestingly, or should I say proudly, the team makes no mention if the father has to be the biological father or even a male. Great to see this open perspective on parenthood. I do feel a little weird about reading surveys like this one. Results are always presented in a way that makes involved fathers seem rare. Is it really so rare? Of course an involved father is great but so is an involved mother. I guess it would be better if we looked less at gender and more at how to raise our kids effectively and passionately.
A few questions that come to mind. If one involved father is great, would two be better? Or three? And the most important one. How do you convince a father that his involvement will make a huge difference in his own and his child's life (scary that has to be done at all)? Use statistics, an emotional approach, scare tactics, common sense, or another approach? I have yet to find a good way of convincing a lazy and uninterested father to get involved.
Unfortunatly, I doubt you can do any convincing to any parent who just doesn’t want to be there. It’s sad really, but from what I’ve seen from other fathers, and mothers for that matter, if they aren’t interested, they’re probably not going to be.
My dad was married four times and was a functioning alcoholic (meaning he could go to work) My “real” mom abandoned us for unknown reasons when I was a baby. My step-mom was extremly involved and so was a lot of other family friends. Looking back, I have to say that I would be very lost if it weren’t for all those involved people in my life. (Maybe I would be the image shown in the earlier post with a sign for drugs on my back?)
Anyway, I guess what I mean is that it doesn’t even have to be a parent involved to make a difference (thought it sure helps) For some parents it has to be personal experience to make them want to be there (i.e horrible childhood or the opposite;perfect parents!) I know that’s what makes me (and SO) be the most involved parents we can be.
Great post! I couldn’t agree more with your sentiment about fathers who don’t bother to show up or participate in things with their kids. When I see this - in a nice way - I try to prod fellow dads to stop watching and start engaging. When I was a kid, my dad did a ton of stuff with me, when he wasn’t working. Now, I try to do the same for my kids, even my daughter from my first marriage - I am as involved as I can be in her life, even though I don’t see her every day. I think the more dads get involved, the more comfortable them become in that active role. The hard part is just getting past that first step. Thanks again! -Jeremy @ Discovering Dad
Great topic and good post. In our culture there is a despairing lack of studies or research on the effects father/child relationship. I just finished reading Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker MD (review on my blog) which is the first book I have seen related to the subject.
Great effort ,
Thanks for sharing your post ,
Tracy Ho
wisdomgettingloaded
Hey Adventure Dad.
You hit a tender spot with this one. I am as involved with my kids as I can be, every single day, but my dedication has been looked at as a negative thing from many people, including family members.
It has been said to my face that I should simply go to work and make money - that it’s my wife’s job to raise the kids. Say what? Why is it so hard for society to accept that we are more than a paycheck and a sperm donor?
Although we can’t control the “fake dads” of the world (the ones who seem to feed into the stereotype we’re trying to break), we can certainly do our best to help our children thrive.
Maybe these non-involved dads just don’t know any better. Maybe they had no one to show them how to be a real dad. My dad didn’t. His father died when he was only two…
Peace,
Joey
http://www.daddybrain.wordpress.com
Loving the new layout
Christie
Love the new look!!! I switched Charlie up last week also. Any luck getting me in touch with the Blog Fathers?