AdventureDad

From the very beginning I've taught my kids some basic communication skills.  No fancy stuff used by royal families, just basic everyday things that are polite and common sense.  But what I consider "common sense" is apparently too advanced for most, I'm thinking especially of the Swedes.  The population is on average one of the best educated and technologically advanced in the world.  Yet, basic communication skills are so poor it makes cavemen seem advanced.  We need some serious help over here!  

My kids are taught to say "Hello" and "Bye" to people they interact with.  I also think saying "Thank You" to someone who's being nice is appropriate.  Regardless if it's me pouring more milk or a stranger holding the door for us.  My kids are also supposed to respond when spoken to.  If I ask how school was, what DVD they want to watch, or if they are hungry I expect a response.  Does this seem advanced?  I don't think so but this stuff is seemingly terribly advanced stuff for the adults in Sweden.

There is this crazy theory called "lead by example" which basically means other will act as you do.  While this doesn't always work well with adults, it's incredibly powerful with children.  You are your children's biggest idol, if you're not there is lots of work to do, and they will mimic your behavior.  Good and bad. It's the easiest way to raise kids who are polite, nice, and well behaved at least part of the time.

We can do our taxes via text message, rent a car or pay for the subway ride with our phone, find out what any person makes a year with a simple phone call, and super fast broadband is available virtually anywhere for peanuts.  That's all great but communicating with other people is still important.  Here are some basic hints for the poor Swedes:

Thank You:

When someone is nice you say thank you.  Is this too much to ask for?  It can be someone holding the door, buying you a cookie, letting your car go first, or helping you out with a report.  Saying thank you is not too much to ask for.

Email and Text Message:

What do you do when receiving a text message.  You FREAKING RESPOND!  If someone asks about a meeting, tennis practice time, if you're feeling well, or want to have a beer it's appropriate to respond.  "Yes", "No", "Got it", or " Can't make it" is perfectly fine.  Many people don't respond at all which makes simple communication difficult.  "I didn't get the message" doesn't work, this is 2008 not 1992 when no one knew how to use email or a cell phone.

Phone  and Voice Mail:

Voice mail is getting old and useless but many still use it.  But what should you do when someone leaves you a voice mail?  You respond, especially if someone asks you a question.  What if there is a missed call from a friend?  I think calling back is appropriate.

Small Talk:

It's perfectly fine to speak to people about less serious stuff just to be polite for a few minutes. No one wants to marry you, kidnap your child, steal your spouse, or rob your house just because they ask if you saw the game or American Idol on  last night. Staring into the ground works but it's not nice and it's not a good example for kids.  When we meet kids in the park I tell my kids to play and speak to them.  I don't tell them to sit in the corner and look at their shoes.  

Leeching and Being a Parasite:

Don't be a parasite and don't be greedy.  If your friend offers you a beer for the tenth time in a row perhaps you could pick up the check? If someone takes care of your child all the time, just to be nice, maybe you could return the favor?  Believe it or not but it's actually alright to be nice to someone BEFORE getting something in return. It's also fine to be nice to someone else without expecting something in return. Didn't you ever see the movie Pay It Forward?  How about learning something from the Americans or Latins since they are always brought up regarding all kinds of bad habits?

Categories: Family, Parenting, Rant
Tags: communication, education, Family, features, lead by example, leeching, parasite, School