Bad Habits I Blame On My Children
By
on
December 29th, 2006
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My kids have given me some very good habits and helped me grow into a better person. I'm much more effective, organized, and patient than before. Plus I'm not anti-children like I used to be (those were the days….) But I also picked up some other habits that make me look weird. Actually, they make me look like a fool.
I think nothing of going out for a walk with my children even if I have a huge stain on my jeans and some puke on the jacket. At work, I wear expensive suits but those go straight into the closet as soon as I get home to avoid getting a triple digit dry clean bill every month. Pre-kids, I never left the house in dirty clothing or foreign objects on my jacket. The embarrassing thing is that I'm always too busy noticing crap on my clothes until after I leave the house so it's kind of difficult to change. People notice but probably give my plus points for being out with the kids. Although I have gotten a few funny looks when I head to the gym after the kids are asleep. Showing up with baby powder on my pants and small pieces of spaghetti on my arm looks weird. People most likely think I'm single and a slob.
I discovered another bad habit the other week. Something I must have been doing for at least a couple of years. I can't stand still. I constantly rock back and forth. Slowly and deliberately, regardless if I'm trying to put the kids to sleep in the Baby Björn, MBUD, or shop for groceries. The habit is so strong that I automatically stand there with the empty stroller rocking back and forth while I talk to a friend. Since Annika is so little and loves the Baby Björn, I don't even bother to take it off when I'm out with her and Daniel. But as she falls asleep, and I stand there with an empty Baby Björn on the bus, I still rock back and forth trying to make an invisible baby fall asleep.
If you really want to see someone look like a fool, follow me to the grocery store. There I stand with a half full cart of groceries, rocking back and forth while I search the aisles for more items. My kids are at home but here I am, apparently trying to make a gallon of milk and some steaks fall asleep. I must really love my groceries.
Finally, I have completely stopped listening to names of parents. Two seconds after they introduce themselves their names are gone. I remember kid names well but their parents don't get the same attention. It's simply "Daniel's Dad" or "Thea's Mother". Unless the mother is hot, then I remember everything about her:-)
Any other bad habits we can blame on the kids? Increased alcohol intake, going bald, or that spare tire around your waste (bigger ass if you're a woman) are all off limits:-)
OMG- the rocking? Every time I see a baby, I rock. Even if I’m not holding the baby, I rock. Years of rocking babies to sleep have turned me Pavlovian.
I’ve been pulling my hair out lately. Does that count?
No fooling! I catch myself rocking back and forth in the grocery line — with no baby. People must think I’m having a seizure or something. As for the rest — you nailed it. I’m a total slob.
Dude I do the bouncing thing all the time!! What is bad is I’m Church of Christ and I keep getting rude looks because it looks like I’m dancing during the service.
I also find myself going into my “talking to the baby voice” during the day while at work.
The stains! Oh yes! I had to stop myself to go outside with my sweatpants on so many times, the children looking all sparkly and pretty and me in my stained sweatpants, what a sight! And even if I made the effort to put some real clothes on, somehow my shirt is NEVER clean. Never. Most of the time I have no idea where the crap came from. Weird.